On the defense...

In sports, being super defensive is good. In marriage...not so much. And unfortunately, I'm one of those "hide in a corner with my hands over my eyes saying la-la-la-la-la until the big scary thing I don't want to deal with goes away" kind of people. One might call me non-confrontational. One might call me a coward. Either way, they would probably be right.

When faced with assertive questions from my dear spouse, especially those that cut, I'm usually reduced to silence. And then...I withdraw.

Not the best course of action when trying to work toward a healthy solution.

I don't excuse my behavior. But, I also believe that a marriage is about compromise and creating a world in which two souls can be themselves, no matter how flawed. Yes, I am riddled with faults. I can be selfish (even narcissistic, to a degree), complacent, childish, and ornery. But...I'm loyal and tenacious and love, with passionate ferocity, those most dear to me.

Today, I'm a cornered cat just taking her first tentative steps back into the middle of the room. Cautiously, I'm finding my voice.

I'm going to have to apologize.

Ugh.

I can do this.


Imperfectly yours,