I think it's fair to expect help from my husband and son in maintaining a reasonable level of environmental chaos, but I also realize that we live here, and we come here to find solace and comfort. For me, comfort is partially found in a clean living space, with clutter at a minimum. For my husband and son? Not so much. They seem to be able to look right past clutter until it gets so bad they have to climb over it.
Even though this drives me crazy, I know if can learn something from it.
We all work hard during the week. Both my husband and I have stressful daytime careers. My son goes to school and often has sports after. We're busy people...with appointments and "to do" lists and responsibilities. It's sometimes overwhelming to come home to chores and more lists and expectations that keep us going until 8:00...or sometimes later.
I don't want our lives to be like that. This constant go, go, go from Monday morning at 6 a.m. to Friday evening after 6 p.m. is exhausting us all. And then it's robbing us of our weekends, as well, since then it's all about recovering what we've put ourselves through during the week.
I can't say no to every responsibility. And it would be silly to say I wasn't going to freak out about clutter and mess when I get home from work every day. But, what I can do is give a little.
I can put my family before the Tasmanian devil housekeeping stint I perform each night after work (I think the broom is in my hand before I have even put down my work bag). I can take some time to breathe, relax, and connect before I jump right into my evening routine...which truly feels like my second full time job. Because, honestly, I don't think I can keep it up.
I can accept the cost of having a career and a family (with lots of messy pets). That cost being that our house is simply never going to be up to the impossible standards set by my mother. Things don't get fixed in a timely manner, piles of clutter either just get moved or become part of a room's design, and the laundry bin is never empty. It's what living looks like in our home. Everything is in a constant state of "almost" and "later".
And that's okay. Because what matters right now? Hugs, cuddling up on the couch, reading out loud, tucking in, holding hands, spending time on living things.
I've intermittently followed a housekeeping regimen of "one room a day". This year, I'm holding myself to it. It's not a perfect system, and sometimes it doesn't work. But, basically, it keeps me from trying to clean the whole house every night after work. Here's my routine:
Monday: laundry room
Tuesday: kitchen
Wednesday: dining/living rooms
Thursday: master bedroom
Saturday: office
Sunday: bathrooms
I leave my son's room and my husband's office to them. They also do the garbage and recycling, and my husband usually does the cooking. That leaves me with a load of laundry every night (except Friday...and sometimes I do two loads on Sat./Sun.), litter boxes on Wednesdays, and watering houseplants on Sundays.
Of course, more needs done that just a once-over in these room each week. There are big chores, like yard work and home maintenance projects. These things pretty much have to wait until summer vacation time, since none of us have the time or energy for any of it, unless it's an emergency.
And I guess that's just going to have to be okay. In fact, I've even thrown out the "home projects list". I figure, if it isn't on fire, I'm not going to bother putting in the energy to fix it. When I actually have enough downtime (like in the summer) to think of the project, have money to actually follow through on it, and have time to complete it, then I'll put my mental energy into it. Until then, I don't have time for it, nor would I prefer to give up my precious downtime to complete it. And it's not worth the conflict it causes in my marriage. I didn't marry Mr. Fix-it. He's never been a home maintenance kind of guy, so why would I think he'd be anything different now...12 years later?
I put entirely too much time into planning how to take care of the house and not nearly enough time on planning how to make a home...a home that I share with my people...and pets.
A home is supposed to be a safe haven...a place of comfort and fun and happiness and connection and laughter and rest. Those should be the things at the top of my "housekeeping" list.
I'm not throwing my responsibilities out, I'm simply putting them at the bottom of the list. What comes first is my people. And my 2017 mantra, "What's right for right now?" is going to have to be my daily reminder to put them first.
Imperfectly yours,
Melissa
