The forest for the trees...

There is a positive and negative side to everything. Marriage is no different. Every relationship has its problems, I think where I run into trouble, though, is when I focus only on the negative at the expense of the positive. Something (or many "somethings") goes wrong in the relationship, and rather than remembering why we got together in the first place, I hyper-focus on the problem and make it "everything." The whole thing falls to hell because I can't see the forest for the trees.

It's human. It's normal. But, if I am to make this marriage work, I have to look past the trees. I have to rise up somehow, climb the closest hill (or mountain). The work of climbing, the sweat it takes to move to higher ground, has the capacity to clear the mind of all the negative thoughts so I can see the view below when I reach the summit. What will I see? Hopefully, in my healing exhaustion, endorphins clearing the clouds in my vision, I will see why I chose this particular forest in the first place.

Basically, what I have to do is begin. Whatever the step, it need only be small...only one today, and another tomorrow, and so on and so forth.

For me, that first step is to accept and celebrate. My marriage is far from perfect. And I can accept that there are things my husband wants and needs out of life that do not line up with my own wants and needs. That doesn't mean all is lost, however. Eleven years ago, we both saw something (or many "somethings") that we wanted and needed. And though our wants and needs can change over time, it shouldn't be that hard to remember what they used to be.

Just remembering what I used to see in him is an exercise in positive thinking. He's still the man I fell in love with. And there is still love.

If you're where I am, struggling to see the forest, maybe take today to climb and enjoy the view. Consider that this is all yours. This is your land. And maybe much of it is in disarray. Maybe it's even on fire or crumbling into a crack in the earth. Maybe you even have to make a tough decision to find a new forest. Regardless of the state of the land, accept it in all its beauty...for what it has provided you and what you have learned from it. Even the worst situations give us that...lessons...knowledge that we can take with us when we leave. But if you're planning to stay and try to heal the land? Today, don't try to fix it. Just take it all in. Accept the scars and wounds. And celebrate both what once was and what can be. Maybe even write down all the reasons you decided to explore and claim this land in the first place. Focus on the good, even if the good is only memory. My guess is, you'll find that good still exists, in small pockets or large expanses. The view from above is always clearer. Relax. Breathe.

Tomorrow we can take another step.

Imperfectly yours,