Priorities

I'm the first to admit that I often have skewed priorities. My husband would whole-heartedly agree. In fact, he's pointed it out numerous times that he feels like he's low on my list...that my job, our son, the housework...take precedence over him and our marriage.

I wouldn't say he's wrong.

It isn't that my marriage isn't important to me, but I have this weird obsession with task lists and an overblown sense of personal responsibility for things that, in the long run, don't really matter.

It's so bad, that I'm actually thinking of having a few things tattooed on my skin in places I will always notice them. One would be something like "relationships first."

It's sad, I suppose, that I need to remind myself to "be nice," "show others I care," "put others first," "focus on what matters," etc. But really, it's a goal for me: prioritize people over task lists, process over product, and fun and happiness over "to do" lists.

My aim is to put my husband first, because I know (or at least I think) everything else will fall into line behind that. I don't want to be remembered for having a clean house, being efficient and productive, and being the last one to leave work every night. I want to spend more of my time happily enjoying time with those I love...not thinking about the mountain of responsibilities I have around the house. I want to read a book, work on my art, write, sit by a window and stare out at the trees for no reason other than just because I want to without feeling guilty for wasting time. Because that's my sickness. If I'm not doing something "productive," my internal drill sergeant is on my case for being lazy, and my internal housekeeper is tsk-tsk-tsking over the dust on the floor, the growing pile of laundry, the crumbs on the counter, and the clutter on every. possible. surface.

How does one go about shifting these priorities? It's a good question, because I know I'm not alone here. I organize and plan constantly so I can streamline my routines and minimize stress. I organize and plan myself right out of having time to do anything else. Now...I'll be honest, I do love to plan and organize. So this is not a joyless activity for me. It's something my brain loves to do. My planner is a source of great entertainment for me. The problem is, I plan for all kinds of things that I never get around to. It looks great on paper, but in reality, it gets pushed to the bottom of the list. For example, I can put down "work on art journal" or "finish reading a whole book" on my weekend to-do list, but what will really end up happening is the housework will trump my fun and I'll find myself feeling guilty if I sit down to do anything else.

I know I'm not alone in this. And considering it for one day isn't enough. For people like me, this is an ongoing battle, and likely one I'll be fighting my whole life. My type-A brain just can't let go of what it finds to be important.

I'm a work in progress, right?

Imperfectly yours,